Heart/Land

"Wo gehen wir denn hin? Immer nach Hause."

And then I was back. Back in the place I left almost five years ago. Back in the place that played such a decisive role in forming my personality. Back in the place that harbors so many memories. Back in Nebraska. Sitting on the bus that was to take me from Chicago to Nebraska was an interesting experience. Not knowing what I was expecting and what was expecting me, I kept thinking about how it would feel like to come back. I kept thinking about all the memories that will forever connect me with this place and about the effect that my stay there had had on me. After anxiously waiting and thinking for hours I finally crossed the border and Nebraska lay in front of me, greeting me with all its beauty. And then, as my destination came closer and closer, I felt...nothing. While familiar streets and buildings passed my eyes, I felt like someone had drained me of all emotions. It was such a strange experience. I had expected it to feel weird or strange, but there was no strangeness or weirdness attached to coming back. It was not weird to be back and it did not even excite me to a great extend, probably because I knew exactly where I was heading. I was moving towards the familiar, and the only thing that excited me was seeing my American family again. I was about to find out what had changed. 

Talking to my old host family again, seeing the house and the neighborhood and just spending a couple of days in Nebraska made me realize why it was not weird to come back. It was not weird, because it was still home. My home, far away form home. A place where I would always be welcomed with open arms and a place that shares so many memories and experiences with me. It was like meeting an old friend, after not seeing each other for a long time, only to realize that the most important, fundamental things have not changed. Usually I am all for change, consistency tends to bore me and I like movement, growth and new experiences. However, with all the change constantly occurring around me, I find great comfort in safe places. Places that will always be there, places that do not change and places where you can let your guard down, where you can relax and breathe. Places that will accept you for who you are, not only accept you, but love you. I am very grateful for all the traveling that I get to do and I love to go out and explore this world, to meet people and to experience all I can, but I think I will always need these safe places, or more correctly, I feel like I could not do all the things I am doing if I did not know that these safe places exist. Without family and home this would not be possible, and I just realized that I have two families and homes. I am a lucky man.

Staying in Nebraska allowed me to relax and fully realize what I am doing and what it means that I am doing this. It also taught me that I should be very thankful that I have the opportunity to do all these amazing things. After coming to Minnesota, being forced to travel out of homelessness, it was nice to experience the comfort of home for a week. That does not mean that I did not enjoy my professional hobo lifestyle, surfing the couches of Minneapolis and Chicago, but it was nice to not switch houses every two or three days. I enjoyed the comfort of family lifestyle, eating dinners together, walking the dogs, watching TV and playing games. Also, this was probably the first time that I attended church on a Sunday since I don't know when, and I got to meet so many people that still remembered me from five years ago. It was a time of great conversations and good old and new memories, a very comforting and relaxing experience. I felt very loved and finally had the chance to clear my head and focus on what I am doing here. 

As nice as it was, it was time to move on and so I jumped on the next night bus to take me back to Chicago, from where I would catch my connecting bus to Minneapolis. I don't think I have ever spend 19 hours on any form of transportation before, but now that is something new that I can add to the things I have done. It was a very long trip, but now I am back in Minneapolis, couchsurfing for another week before I can finally move into my new room. It is about time, I can't wait to really live here and for classes to start. Each new day is very exciting and I am ready to embrace all the greatness that is to come. I am ready.